April 2006

Do you really NEED to do that???

Many times through out the day I find myself either telling others or telling myself I NEED to do things.  One day I was telling a friend about something I needed to do and she asked me if it was true that I needed to do them.  Hmmmm…Do I NEED to do that?  What an interesting question! I had to tell the truth and I said, “No, the truth is I do not NEED to do it”.  So why do I say these untruths to myself and others?  This was definitely something I wanted to look into a bit deeper.  One morning I decided to be an observer to my thoughts.  I took notice one morning and was surprised how many times “I NEED to” came up.  Here’s a short list of the thoughts from a single morning in the first hour of waking...

    I need to get up and get the kids off to school on time
    I need to answer my emails before I leave for the day
    I need to answer the phone when my friend calls
    I need to do a load of laundry
    I need to make the kids lunches
    I need to meditate
    I need to exercise

I know there are things you NEED to do:) so I won't bore you with the entire list but it was much longer than this…

So, it’s no wonder I can find myself completely out of the moment and stressed out!  But I found when I went back and questioned each thought, it was apparent that I don’t NEED to do any of it…the truth is I WANT to do it. 

An example of my questioning: I NEED to get up and get the kids off to school in time

Is that true?Hmmm, well if I don’t they will be tardy. 

Can I absolutely know its true that I NEED to get the kids off to school on time?If I am being honest then I have to say no because my existence does not require me to do that. 

How do I react when I think that thought?  I get stressed out, I rush everyone around.  I sometimes yell “get up now, hurry up and get dressed, don’t forget your lunch, we got to go now, etc” The truth is that I am not in a place of love at all.  I am not nice to myself or my children. 

Who would I be without that thought?  I would be a mother that realizes that she WANTS to get her children to school on time and slows down enough to make it happen. I would realize how much I love them and how much their education means to me. And would maybe realize this is a labor of love.

Turn it around: I don’t NEED to get the kids off to school.  I WANT to get the kids off to school. 

The tension leaves my body and I am back in a state of peace. This thought is so much kinder to myself and to my others. What was once a stressful thought has now become so incredibly beautiful!  I really try to catch myself now when I say, “I NEED” and simply shift the thought to the truth which is “I WANT” and immediately feel more peaceful!  Try it for yourself! Do you NEED to do it?  Of course not J but you might WANT to!

To learn about The Work of Byron Katie - I invite you join me for the Byron Katie Dallas Inquiry Group Thursday April 13th from 7-9:30 p.m. held at the Center for Spiritual Living in Addison. 

More details and directions can be found at our new website www.apeacefulmind.org under EVENTS.  I look forward to seeing you there. 

Namaste!

Suzy

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